Monday, May 31, 2004
Darkness haunts.All the time.And it creeped in the shadows under the sun.There is no escape.
The Prince does not want The Fairy anymore.Not at all.And apparently the truth is that she was never really the one he wanted.All these time.How true has the past years been?To the Fairy,how can the past years then not feel like a lie?How can she not feel cheated?How can She not FEEL?
Forgiveness.
Where is She going to find the strength to forgive?When She feels like she has been played the fool.When she was the one dumped and left crying her soul out.Losing her dance to grief.
The last people you would hurt
More often than not hurt you the most
The deepest cut
Leaving you in a pool of saltwater to burn
Leaving scars almost impossible to heal
Forgiveness.Jesus.
She prays.
Father Lord in Heaven,comfort me.
prancing to your tune
2:16 PM
Sunday, May 30, 2004
I shed no tear tonight
For I ran away from nightness to see only the morning
Twas foolish as darkness would still haunt in the sun
But at least I got through today
Taking this a day at a time.Passing each dark night trying not to cry as she would.But how can one run away from the ache of it all as it eats into you bit by bit.Like cancer cells,it numbs your heart and before you know it,your soul fades away.And you see the death of your emotions.
prancing to your tune
4:42 AM
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Her air,
her poise,
her stance of like,
who isn't mesmerized by the fairy's dance?
she flutters her wings,
dances amidst the crowd,
sucked deep into the euphoria.
She basks in the aura of its trance,
its delirium.
Skipping,
smiling impishly.
The world is the fairy's playground,
her troubles hidden away beneath her wings.
Now, who won't be mesmerized by the fairy's dance?
/Manda
prancing to your tune
8:06 AM
Desire stems from love or lust
And it is hard to tell the difference
But when you know it is love
You say to grab it before it is lost
I reached out my hand
You told me that was the way
But my foot let slip
And i fell flat on my face
Again
This is instinct.Or what i learnt from the Fairy as i write her story.She wants to stay true to her feelings and so instinct tells her to move as such.Baring all,she did not plan her fall.She did not plan her recovery.
But if there is anything else i have learnt from Her is she does not like to guard her feelings in any way.Though done out of fear,she cannot help but feel fake should she do that.And thus she leaves herself open to any kind of hurt possible.Vulnerable.
I cried my heart out last night
You wanted to know how i was doing
But you had nothing good to say
Why do i put myself through this
There are people around you whom you have hurt.Some pretty badly.Some intentional.Mostly forgiven.Then there are those who have no ability at all to affect you.A little more than strangers perhaps.Truckloads of understanding?Most importantly,there are the few who hurt you and hurt you bad.Or rather,you would let them hurt you deeper than they even thought possible.And these few are always the ones whom you would hate to hurt.Not even a little bit.
I want to cry but i do not want to be weak
I want to be happy but i cannot laugh
I want to scream out loud
Dispel the heartache within
The Fairy has been through this before.What is one more time.Is it not the same?She'll deal with it in no time.Hopefully.
She wants to be stronger than all these.But she is torn inside.The heartache is sapping her soul away.She's losing her dance.But she will pick it all up soon enough.Just as she had once.She knows it inside.
prancing to your tune
7:55 AM
Eyes hurt from crying.Body aches with the heartpain within.
I want to see the white flowers before me..
To dispel the dark night away.
The Fairy cried her soul out.In the dark night where no one dwells,She curls up.No longer able to dance.
And the morning comes.Under Her wings She hides the secrets of the night.And she dances again.
prancing to your tune
7:54 AM
Friday, May 28, 2004
Nothing so true about the truth she found.The Fairy has been dumped again.Not technically though.She was never entirely sure.But she did know she did not want to hurt anyone anymore.And to think she didn't protect herself from getting hurt herself.She tossed her emotions in his face and The Prince caught them and slammed them back at the floor.
She overcame this once.What is one more?And one more.And one more than one more..
prancing to your tune
11:30 AM
Saturday, May 22, 2004
The Fairy is finding it hard to deny the truth of the desire she has for the Prince.The desire that has never once left her.The reliving of its chemistry was like putting a lit matchstick into a pile of hay.Burns.
Her moment(s) overlapped and they spell one truth.The Prince.
prancing to your tune
10:44 AM
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Moment.In and out of a moment.A moment of 7 hours.And the Fairy was out of it.
Everyone has their moments.Moments when they want something.Yet it is not something they would want so badly if not for that moment.So they still want that.Yet there's something else they desire stronger,out of that moment.
And the Fairy went into a moment.With the Prince.
Intense is the chemistry they have.Hardly unnoticeable.How can anyone shrug something so strong away?
"Fairy Tale-ish" it is.But they both know that they are made for each other.
Remember the desire outside of that moment?It is not time yet.
But they both got out of the moment.Left nothing behind but honesty between 2 soulmates.
prancing to your tune
2:46 AM
Monday, May 17, 2004
Conversations are quite hard to go on without honesty ain't it?Without the comfort of being true to yourself and the other person.The comfort knowing that you will not be judged upon what you say and feel.Is that comfort brought about over time?Over familiarity?Or is it just in a person to be like that?
Without the ability to be truthful-Even though there is no deception-Emotions get hidden and forgotten.What bothered before may leave eventually.What bothered before may instead tug at every turn of events-reminding you of the dislike/disgust/hate you have for it in the very first place.
Why let what bother you continue to bother you?Bring it out to the open and it may just be easier to deal with.
prancing to your tune
4:16 PM
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Emotions.She doesn't like hers to be thrown out in the open and tossed in the air.Yet she rocks the hell out of someone else'.
It's a wet day today.And the fairy recollects in her mind, people whose emotions she had once gave a little push.Remembering how they have helped her grow.At their expense.
Worry for them.Worry for the Elf to learn to understand.To accept.
prancing to your tune
7:37 AM
Sunday, May 09, 2004
The Fairy loves the Prince.More than anything.And she will be there for him no matter what.And that's her promise to him.But she has let go of the burden that keeps most lovers-the Need.The future they both once shared still burns with possibility.And that's about where it ends for now.
A sequel to their story?Perhaps.Who should know but the One who knows all.
Wally Wally Wally Wally.She thinks and thinks and thinks of him.
What's next?
prancing to your tune
4:04 PM
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Click click.
Cruising through the night wind to the very end of the island.
The streetlights that guide in the darkness.
Light.God's greatest tool.To help us See.
More lights.
Through a fence.I saw a design so sophisticated.
That who could have came up with but the Great Designer Himself.
Every take-off,every landing had its style.One style.His style.
The roar of the engine to announce the arrival of His Majesty.
Heads instantly turn at its call.
Breathtaking.
Dawn is breaking.
The transition from dark to light is almost more beautiful than that of the final picture.
The journey more fulfilling than the knowledge of arrival.
Cruising in the morning freshness.
Dark clouds fade away.Yet without the dark clouds,
I would not have seen how beautiful shades of blue can be.
At the back of clouds,the red of the sun creeps.
Burning intensely behind the white and blue.
Passion is what it seems to have.To bring forth light to the morning.
Passion is what The Creator has.To bring forth light to our darkness.
Renewal.
I saw His tabernacle in the sky.
Glory to the Lord on High.
/The Little Fairy of the Pea
prancing to your tune
3:19 PM
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
The New Old days.
Emails.Movie date number 1.
'Twas sweet.Plain sweet.
The Fairy is not moved yet.
The New Old days.More to come.
The Other - Now we really have got to give him a proper name.A character.How about Wally the Elf.Think Orlando Bloom.Just Goofy-er.The Fairy still thinks of him a lot though.
But is this fair?Keeping herself "safe" by staying far away from any commitments.Yet keeping the attention around her.How much of this can she be?A fairy?Just who is she kidding.Herself.Not all sweet and innocent huh.
Emotions.She doesn't like hers to be thrown out in the open and tossed in the air.Yet she rocks the hell out of someone else'.
When will she feel sure of anything?Then may be she can be less of a bitch to anyone.Just may be.
prancing to your tune
3:16 PM
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Day 1 of official aloneness.Not too bad.
The Prince misses her.He told her that.Today,she thought of him too.In a nice simple way.No yearning.No tears.No worry.No sadness.The water content in her body remains the same,but its not proving its presence anymore.No more tears,just like the shampoo for little children.
Day 1 of the 'masterplan'.How will the days change for them?
The Other seems to be shifting himself away.To avoid being close to the Fairy?Is he assuming that the Fairy is in her fairy tale already and so does not want a part in this?To continue trying to move on?Already moved on?Or plainly distracted?He doesn't know what's been going on.He doesn't seem like he wants to know anyway.
How will the days change for her?The road ahead excites her yet scares her shitless.She does not wish to hurt anyone.How will she steer the rest of the journey.Does she even want to steer her way?Too much to deal.How will the days change for her?
prancing to your tune
5:16 PM
Monday, May 03, 2004
The Prince has returned!Excited she was.But now that he's back,the fairy is rather indifferent about it.He has plans for the both of them,a future he sees.Yet she does not feel the same anymore.A result of not expecting?Has she found herself able to deal with it already?Unsure of the assurance the Prince is offering?
A step of faith he wants to take.A step of faith she cannot take.
To win her all over again.That's the new game plan.Selfish?Necessary.But will he win her?*shrugz*He may.He may not.But he's going to try anyway.No trust.No confidence.No assurance of the future.No vision of what may come.That's what the fairy wants.For now that is.Till whenever.
The Other(remember him?),surprisingly has won her little heart.Just a little.But enough to tell the fairy she cannot be unfair to the Prince now.Nor can she be unfair to anyone else.She's got to learn to be alone.And love more than she needs.
Step of faith she cannot take.Yet.Baby steps she has to take.
prancing to your tune
4:08 PM
